Showing posts with label Snowflake Method. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Snowflake Method. Show all posts

Friday, February 25, 2011

Glimmer: Orphan - start on a rough draft

The season comes at last, and with it, the monsoon clouds.  They sweep in from the southeast, rolling over the broad green Empire, the mangrove coastline, the terraced fields, the steep green hills and mountains, into the hinterlands, unloading torrents of warm rain as they go.  Life slows; animals are brought in from the fields and mud chokes the paths and roads.  Rivers swell and overrun their banks, depositing thick alluvial soil on fields, clogging irrigation ditches and drowning crops that are not prepared, or were planted late.

The rains always come - and with them, the monks.

Sliding and wallowing along choked roads, the wagons rumble down from the monastery.  Each is pulled by two buffalo; driven by a family that has had this job for generations.  In each is a monk, hidden from the weather by an lacquered wood awning, seated next to the driver, face serene.  Despite the awning providing shelter over the seat, their robes, like everything during the monsoon season, are soaked and heavy about them.  They travel to the orphanages that lie on the outskirts of the larger towns in the province, purchasing children.

**

Glimmer stands, his feet already soaked by a falling sheet or water running off the dormitory roof above him.  Across the courtyard of the orphanage compound, he can barely make out the girls standing in front of their own dormitory, obscured by a similar sheet of water. The rain is ten thousand tiny hands pounding on the tiles above him, day and night, as it always is in this season.  Weeks without sunlight have left the land both soaked and cold, but Glimmer knows better than to shiver where Mother can see him.

Mother is not his mother, of course - she is the headmistress of this orphanage, a member of an obscure sect of priestesses who have this calling and, if Mother is any indication, do not enjoy it.  There are times when she and her novices, two younger women, endeavor to teach the precepts of their faith to the children.  Glimmer does not understand any more than the other boys his age, but they know that if they listen quietly, they are fed.

He knows the wagon is approaching the courtyard because he hears the sudden lowing sound of a buffalo who has had enough of the rain.  The only animals near the orphanage are chickens and a few pigs - hearing the buffalo’s voice sends a thrill through his body.

He hears its hooves striking the cobbles, obscured under a layer of mud, as it enters the courtyard.  He sees them splash with each step, and one of the buffalo tosses its enormous head, snorting in the torrent, and shakes down the length of it’s body, shedding water which is immediately replaced.  

The look of awe he feels on his face is mirrored by the boys around him.  What a wonder!  Its shoulders would loom over him if he dared to come close to it; its horns would easily be the length of his arm if they were not sadly cut off just over its ears.

And behind the buffalo comes the wagon.  It is enormous - so large it barely fits through the large double doors of the compound, flung open before dawn in preparation.  Its wheels are as tall as Glimmer and studded with metal - the gleam is barely visible beneath layers of mud.  He sees a man sitting, holding the reigns of the pair of buffalo, his face obscured beneath a broad hat.  Seated next to  him is a figure Glimmer knows to be a Temple monk, layered robes plum and grey in color, her bald head gleaming like an egg.  Clinging to the side of the wagon is an older boy, seated on a small wooden seat and soaked to the bone from the rain.  As the wagon slows to a stop, he leaps down and fetches a stool from a shelf under the wagon and runs around to the side the monk is on, placing the stool on the swimming courtyard stones and producing a lacquered wood umbrella which he pushes open and holds out, as high as he can.

The monk leans down from her seat and climbs slowly and nimbly down.  Still, the time between the awning over her seat and coming under the umbrella is enough to soak her anew.  As she comes around the buffalo toward the boy’s dormitory, Glimmer stands straighter.  He puffs out his chest even though beneath it he feels his heart pounding so quick and sharp it is like applause.  He squares his shoulders the way he has seen soldiers do from a distance.  He is not tall for his age, but it helps.

He feels Mother’s hand come down on his shoulder, surprisingly gentle.  The monk’s eyes meet his.  There is a moment, like a flash of lightening, when he feels he may faint, but his vision clears and he is still standing.  The monk, umbrella still held over her head by the soaked older boy, is suddenly in front of him, looking him up and down.

Mother speaks up - her voice cracks slightly.  “This is the one - his name is Glimmer.”

The monk stares into his eyes and  he looks down after only a moment.  “He is small.”

Glimmer feels Mother’s hand tense on his shoulder like a bird’s claw.  “This is the boy.  He is the one.  He’s - “

“Very well.”  The monk leans down - she smells like something Glimmer has never smelled before, a mixture of otherworldly spices.  She smells like mystery.  “Boy.”  His eyes rise again to meet hers.  Mother’s claw on his shoulder tenses to the point of being painful, and he suddenly remembers to bow, deep and low, like he practiced.  “Boy.  My name is Sister Grey Sky.  Do you know why I am here?”

He tries to say something, still facing down in his bow.  

“You mumble.  Speak clearly.”

He glances up at her.  “You are...a monk.  You are here to take me to the Emperor.”

She shocks Glimmer by laughing at him.  “No, boy, I am not taking  you to the Emperor.  You have been chosen to serve the Emperor.  You are going to be his tool, to wield how he chooses for the betterment of all.  From amongst the other orphan boys,” - she gestures around him to the only family he has ever known - “you were chosen.”  She places a hand under his chin and firmly pulls him up out of his bow.  “I am taking you to a place where you will learn to serve the Emperor, with other boys and girls.  You will never come back here.  I hope you have said goodbye.”

Mother takes this moment to speak up again, addressing the silent gathering of orphan boys around her.  “The Emperor is our Father - he is Father to all of us, and he will be Father to Glimmer now.  It is an honor for Glimmer to be chosen.  Next year, another of you will be chosen to follow him and learn to serve the Emperor.”

The  monk glances at Mother.  “Even so.”

She turns to walk back to the wagon, and Glimmer realizes he is supposed to follow, rushing to catch up, and then at her hard glance, falling back a few paces, remembering his place.  A monk!  They are like soldiers - he has only seen them from a distance, along the road, while doing chores outside the compound, in their small fields or among the few animals.  Always in the colors of dusk, always shorn of all hair, traveling in small groups or alone.  His head fills with every story he’s heard of their magical powers - that their robes let them fly like birds, that the are as strong as ten men, that they can read your thoughts the way that a sage reads written characters.

None of these powers are apparent as Glimmer follows the monk to the wagon.  He steals a moment to glance back - Mother stands with the other orphan boys, still as a grey statue.  Like the rest, Glimmer was warned not to wave or to squirm to speak unless spoken to.  He cannot see if any of the others dare wave through the sheets of rain that separate them.  They are faceless, then formless, then gone.

He knows how proud he should be, but tears are hot on his face, mixing with the rain.

The monk - Sister Grey Sky she said her name was - leads him around to the back of the wagon.  Glimmer glances back at the driver’s bench, confused, but the monk continues, the parasol still held over her head by the older boy, and takes a ring of keys out of her robes.  There is a heavy iron lock on the rear doors of the wagon, and she unlatches it with a loud, sharp sound and swings one side open.

Inside are children.  At least a dozen - it is hard to see in the muted morning light.  The ones near the door shy back, pressing against the others, shielding their eyes from what is to them sudden brightness.  

Glimmer’s feet feel rooted in place.  He glances back at the boy’s dormitory, and can barely make out the shapes of the other orphans through the rain, filing back into the building.  It will be breakfast soon, vegetables and clumpy rice, and then chores, and then lessons.  Just like every day, until they are old enough to be sent on to find work in one of the nearby towns.

He takes a step back, but is stopped again by Sister Grey Sky’s heavy gaze falling on him.  They stare at each other for what seems like an eternity before, sighing angrily, she thrusts out a hand and grasps Glimmer by the front of his smock and pulls him toward the crowded wagon.

She leans down and speaks in his ear, her voice like a raincloud.  “This is not your home.  You belong to the Emperor now, mind, life and limb.  You are his.”  She holds his gaze, and he sees there the utter certainty of what she is saying.  “Get in.”

Blinking back fresh tears, he climbs into the back of the wagon.  It is dark, crowded, and smells like sick and unwashed bodies.  Someone in the back, far from the door, is coughing continually.  He shuffles awkwardly until he finds a place to sit, pressed between a larger boy and a girl who looks to be about his age.

The monk speaks to the children in the wagon.  “We’ll eat when we stop at midday.” She closes the rear door, and Glimmer hears the key in the heavy iron lock again.

***

Friday, April 24, 2009

Snowflake Part Three: Orchid

Here's a link to the whole series so far in case you were wondering...

Orchid


Summary: Orchid is the moral center of the story, the bright light who is snuffed out.

Motivation: Orchid is motivated by the same thing that motivates the other orphans - a fear of death and a desire to get out of their training intact. She ends up doing small things to help the other orphans, however, and is marred, in the eyes of Master Iron, by compassion.

Goal: Orchid's goal is to survive the situation intact until she can find some way to escape. She makers her plan with Glimmer, seeing that he is another 'gifted' orphan.

Conflict: Orchid's conflicts might need to be internal. She wants to help the weaker orphans, but is afraid of Master Iron like any of them. Ultimately, she's only a kid - a strong, sensitive kid, but a kid nontheless. An interesting hard choice could be between Turtle and Glimmer - maybe she can only arrange for one of them to be with her. She knows that Turtle is less likely to survive the training to the end, but Glimmer will be more useful in the actual escape attempt.

Epiphany: Orchid's epiphany is the darkest one in the story. She has the realization of who she is and who Glimmer is, at heart, but it is too late.

Storyline Paragraph: Orchid is purchased directly from her parents by Sister Grey Sky. Her parents are a disgraced noble family who are forced to sell their youngest daughter to the Emperor - or at least to his assassin school. Orchid's family split over joining the rebellion of Prince Akko (this is another part of the story happening elsewhere in the setting), and she might be worth a great deal because of her possible supernatural origin. Regardless, Orchid is, compared to the other orphans, both strong and benevolent in the small ways she can manage. This makes her a target, but Master Iron is aware of the rumor that she is favored by members of the court, who expect big things from her. The turn in Glimmer's life comes when she is killed, and it should be as disturbing a scene as I can manage.

Other Characters
Turtle

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Snowflake Step Three: Glimmer

I stopped pasting the instructions for the Snowflake Method in each post, but here are the rest of the posts for your reference...

Glimmer

Summary: Glimmer is the main character of the story, an orphan made into an assassin who kills the cruel man who made him who he is.

Motivation: Glimmer is motivated by an intense fear of death - it is this that drives him to be very dangerous, and which also makes him a sub-par assassin in the eyes of Master Iron.

Goal: Glimmer's goal changes over the course of the story. First, it is simply to survive the brutality of his training. Then, it is to forumlate a plan to escape with Orchid. Finally, it is to kill Master Iron regardless of the risk to himself. Behind it is always the choice to live at any cost.

Conflict: From the first night of his training, Glimmer's conflict is with Master Iron. The two of them are two poles of the story, and I want to foreshadow from the beginning that one of them has to go down. I'd also like to present the conflicts that result in Glimmer's empathy withering. He finds that he has opportunities to help others, but feels that it might threaten his own survival, and so he chooses to do nothing. This is important because later in his story, I want him to have a strong moral sense that he's just been ignoring.

Epiphany: First, Glimmer thinks that he can just survive the training and do what Master Iron wants. He realizes that he can never get out, that he's just being used, or perhaps that he hates what he is becoming, so he tries to escape. His epiphany is that no matter what, he can never leave while Master Iron is still alive. He sees that as his only real hope for escape.

Storyline Paragraph: Glimmer is purchased by Sister Grey Sky from an orphanage in one of the large cities of the Empire and is shipped off to the assassin school. He is dragged out of the cart, unhooded, and immediately is chosen as the first one to pick on because he is small for his age and looks frightened. Despite himself, a friendship grows with Orchid, who is a little better than him at everything, including acting out of her empathy for others. The two of them use the cover of their last test to escape their training entirely, and she is killed by Master Iron. Glimmer leaves the story after he has taken revenge on Master Iron.


Other Characters
Orchid
Turtle

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Snowflake Step Three: Sister Grey Sky

I stopped pasting the instructions for the Snowflake Method in each post, but here are the rest of the posts for your reference...

Sister Grey Sky

Summary: Sister Grey Sky is the grim woman who is charged with finding orphaned children who will be molded into killers for the empire.

Motivation: Sister Grey Sky believes she is a monster out of necessity - that the empire is full of bitter enemies who threaten peace and order, and that extreme measures must be taken so that others can sleep safely.

Goal: Sister Grey Sky's goal is to follow Master Iron as the head instructor of young assassins. She believes she could do a better job, that his passion gets in the way of his reason and discipline.

Conflict: Despite herself, Sister Grey Sky finds that she likes Orchid. The little orphan girl is tough, brave and smart - there is just something about her that stands out among the other orphans SGS has seen so far in her life.

Epiphany: It starts when Orchid is killed by Master Iron. It ends when Master Iron is killed, and Sister Grey Sky becomes Mistress Grey Sky. She realizes that all they are doing is creating monsters and destroying children. Her epiphany is the hope in the story that this situation might change someday.
Storyline Paragraph: Sister Grey Sky begins and ends the story. She is the first character introduced, when she comes to the orphanage where she finds Glimmer and Orchid and Turtle and the next batch of assassins-to-be. She is looking for healthy, strong and hesitates with Glimmer because he is a runt and something about him bothers her. She chooses him at last, however, thinking that Master Iron can use him as an object lesson. She is struck by Orchid, and follows her progress with pride until she is killed. By the time the gets the nerve to confront Master Iron, she's the one that finds him dead. She cleans up the mess and assumes his position at the school.


Other Characters

Glimmer

Orchid

Turtle

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Snowflake Step Three: Master Iron

Step 3) For each of your major characters, take an hour and write a one-page summary sheet that tells:

  • The character's name
  • A one-sentence summary of the character's storyline
  • The character's motivation (what does he/she want abstractly?)
  • The character's goal (what does he/she want concretely?)
  • The character's conflict (what prevents him/her from reaching this goal?)
  • The character's epiphany (what will he/she learn, how will he/she change?
  • A one-paragraph summary of the character's storyline

An important point: You may find that you need to go back and revise your one-sentence summary and/or your one-paragraph summary. Go ahead! This is good--it means your characters are teaching you things about your story. It's always okay at any stage of the design process to go back and revise earlier stages. In fact, it's not just okay--it's inevitable. And it's good. Any revisions you make now are revisions you won't need to make later on to a clunky 400 page manuscript.

Another important point: It doesn't have to be perfect. The purpose of each step in the design process is to advance you to the next step. Keep your forward momentum! You can always come back later and fix it when you understand the story better. You will do this too, unless you're a lot smarter than I am.

Now, technically, with the Snowflake Method, you are supposed to have done more specific brainstorming than I have at this point. I come to this step and realize that I need to spend more time fleshing out important characters - the main instructor, who plays the part of the villain of the story for all intents and purposes, and the other orphan-slaves learning to kill.

I will look to the advice "It doesn't have to be perfect", however, and will forge ahead! What do I need?...


Master Iron

Summary: Master Iron, the main instructor the orphans interact with, trained in the Temple of Mind, is the focus of the orphans' hatred but also their only ticket out of the hell-hole of the school.

Motivation: Master Iron has entirely given himself over to the Emperor's service. He actually washed out of the Temple of Mind because he was too vicious and had a petty streak. What he wants is to infuse his pupils with strength, and he sees this as a process of winnowing away the weak ones and torturing the strong ones until they are like him...iron.

Goal: Master Iron wants to create the perfect weapon for the Emperor. He sees Glimmer as having that potential, and is therefore especially cruel to him.

Conflict: His conflict is with Glimmer in the story - the story is about the two of them, really, and the others around them who get hurt and killed while they work out their differences. I also want a secondary conflict with the reader - I want Master Iron to really bother the reader with his justifications for what he does to these orphans.

Epiphany: Master Iron's epiphany is a cruel one in its own right, because it comes too late. He realizes that, despite his fear of death, Glimmer is a very talented student, and that Iron has given the orphan every possible motivation to kill him.

Storyline Paragraph: Master Iron begins the story when the orphans arrive at the 'school' in the middle of the night, having been purchased from orphanages in the city and brought there with hoods on so they don't know where they are. The first thing he does is he chooses the biggest child and the smallest child (Glimmer) and provokes them into a fight. As the story progresses he escalates until the first orphan death, making it clear that things like a place to sleep and food have to be earned. Master Iron decides to give Glimmer and Last Girl a chance to 'graduate' by sending them to kill someone in the school compound. When they try to escape, he kills Last Girl, and is in turn killed by Glimmer.


Other Characters

Sister Grey Sky

Glimmer

Orchid

Turtle

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Snowflake Step Two

Step 2) Take another hour and expand that sentence to a full paragraph describing the story setup, major disasters, and ending of the novel. This is the analog of the second stage of the snowflake. I like to structure a story as "three disasters plus an ending". Each of the disasters takes a quarter of the book to develop and the ending takes the final quarter. I don't know if this is the ideal structure, it's just my personal taste.

You can also use this paragraph in your proposal. Ideally, your paragraph will have about five sentences. One sentence to give me the backdrop and story setup. Then one sentence each for your three disasters. Then one more sentence to tell the ending. If this sounds suspiciously like back-cover copy, it's because . . . that's what it is and that's where it's going to appear someday.

Ok, I'll give it a shot and then take the hour to consider. (And let me just say that it is incredibly hard to put up first thoughts without editing them, but I want to show how the process works for me - or doesn't.)

"In the Empire, there are those who purchase orphan children in order to train them to be killers. One of these children, a boy named Glimmer, first shows his talent for the work when he is forced to kill a fellow student as part of his training. As training progresses and more orphans die, Glimmer forms a secret friendship with another student, named Last Girl, and the two of them try to escape the school. When they are caught and he is offered a choice, Glimmer chooses Last Girl to die instead of himself, and wracked by guilt, he decides to take revenge on his teacher. When Glimmer kills his teacher, he 'graduates' early, and enters into the Emperor's service; his teacher is replaced with a woman just as cruel as the last."

Not wedded to the character names yet - I have images of them but not solid names yet. The naming convention I want to use is not to have names in a particular language, but to just have the translations of the names. So, for example, as Douglas, my name with this convention might be Dark River, because if someone who spoke Gaelic heard the name Douglas, they'd hear "Black River". For names outside the point-of-view culture, I'll use the usual strange-sounding words you find in fantasy stories all the time.

Anyway, now for an hour, and then some reflection.

***

What I have doesn't fit the Step 2 instructions exactly - there aren't technically three disasters, for example, but there are, in my opinion, three climaxes - Glimmer's first kill (of a child, as a child - pretty awful stuff), Glimmer and Last Girl's escape attempt which ends with a cliffhanger (if the story is long enough for chapters or other breaks), and Glimmer killing his teacher. The denouement is that Glimmer survives, is scarred forever, becomes part of the system that destroyed much of his life, and nothing about that system changes. Good times, eh? :)

But, we get the...glimmer...of what kind of character he will be, what his struggles will be as he develops, and something of the brutal underbelly of the Empire, and the kind of evil required to maintain the Emperor's power.

In the snowflake method, you're encouraged to go back and revise these steps, so I'll probably do that, but for now, I'm ok with the paragraph.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Snowflake Step One

Step 1) Take an hour and write a one-sentence summary of your novel. Something like this: "A rogue physicist travels back in time to kill the apostle Paul." (This is the summary for my first novel, Transgression.) The sentence will serve you forever as a ten-second selling tool. This is the big picture, the analog of that big starting triangle in the snowflake picture.

Some hints on what makes a good sentence:

  • Shorter is better. Try for fewer than 15 words.
  • No character names, please! Better to say "a handicapped trapeze artist" than "Jane Doe".
  • Tie together the big picture and the personal picture. Which character has the most to lose in this story? Now tell me what he or she wants to win.
  • Read the one-line blurbs on the New York Times Bestseller list to learn how to do this. Writing a one-sentence description is an art form.
In this case, replace the word "novel" with the word "story" since I'm not quite going for a novel-length idea here (though it might become that - there's more to this character than this story).

"As he comes of age and learns to kill, an orphan also learns what it is to hate and suffer loss."

At a glance, that is 21 words - too many according to the Method. I could just cut parts of it, but I'm not sure what I'd want to cut. What are the key things to get across about the story, as it exists now in my mind?

The main character is an orphan and slave. He is coming of age as he learns to be an Imperial assassin in a horrifying situation. He falls in love. His love dies because of a selfish act on his part, killed by his teacher as an object lesson. It sets up a big confrontation which will end his training one way or another.

"An orphan learning to kill finds a reason to when his teacher murders his love."

That seems a little hotter to me, a little more raw. And, at 15 words, its within the limitations set out. I'm having trouble thinking of a better version, so this'll stand for now.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Killer Snowflake

I haven't done a lot with my writing lately that wasn't connected to game design, and I'm starting to feel the weight of neglect. I've come across a few bloggers who are publishing their use of the snowflake method of story design, and I figure, I can do this at my own slow pace as well and see where it goes. I have a number of stories in mind, all set in the world of Epic Dawn, and given that the game associated with that setting has stalled out, I thought I'd turn to some of the stories that have been swimming around in my head for years now.

The story I have in mind is the back-story for one of the pivotal characters in the setting. In brief, he's an imperial killer sent across the uncharted ocean to a new world who has a change of heart. The world where he arrives is the core world of the setting, but I have some vivid ideas of how he got to be...the way he is that have the advantage of being good short story fodder, rather than big novel-length stories.

So I'll start with the snowflake method for the story that begins when he is an orphan purchased by the Emperor and ending when his first love is murdered and its his fault. A nice happy story arc.